so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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