Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
