what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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