A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
