i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
