I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize