don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The uberlube is also flammable
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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