Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
