Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize