When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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