Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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