and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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