does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize