he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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