I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
