he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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