He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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