i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
