Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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