Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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