It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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