I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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