Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
