I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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