Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
