My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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