I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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