Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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