Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
