It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
