i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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