You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
