WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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