I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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