My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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