Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
