No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
