i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize