I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
