all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
