I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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