When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
