Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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