i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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