Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
