D3 body, D1 cock
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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