I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
do herpes really smell.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
