You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
