we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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