the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
