Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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