I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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