the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
