At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
