What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
smell my finger.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
