I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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