i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
