I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I could fuck to npr.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
