my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
