the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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