OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
