so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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