i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
