Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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