My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
