She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
