Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
