My room smells like vodka and shame
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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