you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
