she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
