i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
