if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
