Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I need help removing her.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
