you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
