we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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