i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
