who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
