It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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