the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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