I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He better not be in your backpack
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
