whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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