you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
