Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize