i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Girls should come with a carfax report
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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