guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
