Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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