she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
